I see a little light at the end of the tunnel

" Family is the first and only one I should care about, but I let the others take control of my own life too much. I wish I could live for myself, for what I want, for what I love...someday...."

After I decided to talk to my mom and dad about my depressive disorder. I can feel that they do worry that I will commit suicide sooner or later... I understood how they felt while listening to the conditions I have to face in my everyday life. I could feel a little relief and unlock something that I tried to hide for my entire life.... and the side effect of this is a sadness in my mind.

Talking to my mom and dad was really good, and I am really glad that they value my efforts and are so proud of having me as a daughter. That is the reason that I make me see a little light at the end of the tunnel.

But... How I can reach that light before my sadness attacks me hard and harder...

Unlock or Lock it tightly & neatly

“What I gonna do, will make people who loved me to get hurts and live with that pain till the last day of their life”

If I die... I know there will be lots of people living in grief for a while. Someone may recover fast and be ready to move on, someone may live with that grief until the last day of their life.

But you know... existing is so exhausted. I spend too much time with the passion of being a role model and presenting my family in the best way. Now, I reached the top of my sadness that I didn't want to go through anymore. I just wish they will understand why they should let me go...go somewhere that is so far away..... someday

Ps. I love them so much, my family, my boss who became my godfather, my friends, and people who really care about me. If I die someday....please know that I do this for myself and I'm happy to do it...and I'm sorry that I have to leave some pains in your heart, but I'm sure it'll be recovery soon :)

Sorry that I have to leave some pains in your heart, but I'm sure it'll be recovery soon :)