Holding on...

" I try not to think about leaving the world, but it becomes a little bit harder and harder when I try not to. Do I carry the nonsense things in my mind too much? When is it gonna stop? "

I felt so glad that my friends tried to cheer me up in any way they could. It really made my day.....but why I can't stop thinking about leaving this world?

I don't know what will happen after my soul is taken away. Will I still have any feelings? Will I still have any thinkings? No one can give me this answer, same as no one can help me to stop thinking about suicide.

Hurts, yes... it hurts

“Keep beating, keep cutting, keep smiling”

I never thought that beating myself could be the way to release my emotion. I just tried to punch my leg a few days ago, and I had no idea why I felt a little relief. Or, am I going to be a psychopath? hahaha.....

My emotion is not stable anymore. I try to control it, but it is getting harder and harder. I am hungry, but I don't want to eat. I know I should stop working on time and relax from a long day of work, but I decided to finish the tasks till I collapse ..... the same feeling as I want my life to be gone.....forever.....

Nothing is so heavy for me. I just tried to be alive. I don't want to think or feel anything anymore. I hope I can make it done soon...