All eyes on me...All expectations on me...

" I hate to let anyone down, but sometimes it means I have to sacrifice my passion, my hope, my dream for someone's happiness. "

Everyone wants to be happy, I included. To be happy, sometimes we have to steal someone's life, passion, energy, or anything that should belong to that guy to make us happy. Maybe I was the one who does that or I am the one who threw all of my dreams and passions into the trash just because it's not going to make somebody happy.

Family comes first

“Whatever I want to do, I will make sure it's not going to let them down.”

I have a very good family, cool dad, nice mom and we have our own house & car. I thought I was one of a happy kids in the world even we're not rich. My family's finances were not going to make us be set for life, but we were comfortable with this. I had a chance to go to private school, where I started to know myself what I wanted to be, what were my talents, and obviously, I was in a good community. Thanks to my mom & dad for this.

Most of the things I wanted and I knew I was good at, I gave all of my energy to make it perfect. My mom always supported me in everything I want to do, also my dad always supported me with wise opinions all the time. So whatever I do and will affect my family, I will do my best, also whatever I would do and it could hurt my family I would be sure that I am not going to touch it because I don't want to let them down.

Good, Better, Great....keep better! keep greater!

When I was a kid, I participated in many school activities. I was the one on a list of good students who had a good grade, nice personality, and was talented. I was in a jazz & thai dance club, drawing club, young leader club, and marching band which I was so proud of it even I was so bad at the wind instrument.

Why did I join lots of clubs and school activities? It's because my biggest dream is to go abroad, not just as a tourist, but have a job and life and die there. It's not because I hate Thailand. I just want to explore the world and find something new in life.

I thought those things I did in school would be a nice plan and a better chance to get closer to my dream. So I thought to keep doing things better and better would be returned me with the great result.

Dream + Hope = Hopeless dream

“The biggest dream is getting smaller and smaller and turned to be a dream in the air”

Finally, the result of the efforts of a little girl who just wanted to chase her dream has arrived. I got a scholarship from a high school in Australia. I knew I wasn't the winner, but I was in the top ten and the school would sponsor tuition for a year! (it need 2 years to graduated)

I was so happy and went home to tell my mom & dad about this good news but I had to face the fact that we're not rich enough to support the rest. I was hurt but I told my mom & dad that "I understand, I can wait for the next one" and smiled back at them. I would love to get my dream but if it will let my family in a struggling situation......I rejected that.

I've learned from that...smart and good is not enough...I have to have more money, I need to be rich to be ready for any next chances. I helped my family saved more money as much as I could. I chose boarding school because I hoped it would help me grown up and be ready to live alone. I decided to go to public high school (it's a good one, actually) and attended university in my city instead of a few universities in Bangkok that I've passed the tests.

My biggest dream was getting smaller and smaller, and I decided to pay more attention to the things I had to manage at that moment. I always did good in most things, so I won't let my dream in the air be something that extracts me from doing good works to meet my family expectations..... and I did it..... yes, I did it..... yes, I did it good for my family :)